The wedding etiquette rules have become more like guidelines and we will help you navigate! Read on to learn more about your obligations as a wedding guest.
Hey, John!
I hope you can help me. My friend, Mitch, was married at Ainsworth House & Gardens last year and you guys did such an amazing job!
I was talking to him and he suggested I contact you directly since you are so good at answering questions. OK, here goes:
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When am I obligated to buy a wedding present? (I got Mitch a really cool one.)
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Are there any circumstances in which I am not obligated to buy a present?
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Next summer, a group of us from college are getting married to our partners. Could we make an agreement among ourselves to attend each other’s weddings but not buy gifts because we each have our own expenses?
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OK, here’s a doozy: I was invited to Mike’s wedding at a different Metro Portland wedding venue. I got the printed invitation in the mail and everything. Then Mike and I got into a verbal altercation and I was disinvited to the wedding. I’m not going. Should I send a gift?
Thank you so much for answering my questions!
–Ben, Baffled in Bend, Oregon
Hey, Ben!
I remember meeting you at Mitch’s wedding! We had so much fun helping them create the wedding of their dreams!
OK, back to you. Those are great questions! I’ll get to them in a moment.
When you do decide to buy a wedding gift, you might check out this blog post by my wife, “How Much Should I Spend on a Wedding Present?” In the same blog post, Christie covered different types of wedding gifts such as a gift to a charity in the couple’s names or a gift using your talents. The post will give you creative ways to solve the dilemma of “What should I get them?”
Now, let’s get your questions answered!
1. When am I obliged to buy a wedding present? (I got Mitch a really cool one.)
You aren’t …ever. Wedding experts agree that giving a wedding gift is completely voluntary.
2. Are there any circumstances in which I am not obligated to buy a present?
Yes. If you are enduring financially challenging times (e.g., searching for a new job, serious illness) then you are not expected to buy a gift.
3. Next summer, a group of us from college are getting married to our partners. Could we make an agreement among ourselves to attend each other’s weddings but not buy gifts because we each have our own expenses?
Absolutely!
You aren’t breaking any etiquette rules to create your own solution! Enjoy each other’s weddings without the hassle of gifts.
4. OK, here’s a doozy: I was invited to Mike’s wedding at a different Metro Portland wedding venue. I got the printed invitation in the mail and everything. Then Mike and I got into a verbal altercation and I was disinvited to the wedding. I’m not going. Should I send a gift?
Again, a wedding gift is completely voluntary. It has long been accepted practice that if you are invited to a wedding that you can’t attend and you send a “No” RSVP, then you don’t have to send a gift. If you were invited to the wedding and then disinvited, it falls into this category: Since you aren’t attending, you aren’t expected to send a gift.
However, if you would like to rejuvenate your relationship, you might want to send a gift.
I hope that helps you!
Your friend in the wedding business,
John Shyne
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Images below are from the Ainsworth House & Gardens wedding gallery.
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