Times change; rules change. Find out about eight etiquette rules for your wedding that your grandmothers and mother probably obeyed but you don’t have to! Whew!
Hey, Kathy!
Are there etiquette rules or traditions for the wedding ceremony itself that we don’t have to follow?
My mom and my grandmothers have been telling me I NEED to do this or that but I just wonder if I do.
I’d like our wedding to be authentic to who Matt and I are and that might mean we don’t follow all the rules Mom did.
–Bella, Bewildered in Bend, Oregon
Hey, Bella!
That’s a great question!
As a historian, I can tell you that the answer is “Yes!”
Let’s look at eight rules for your wedding ceremony which you don’t have to follow…unless they resonate with you!
1. Outdated rule: You must have a flower girl and ring bearer who are children.
New reality: Since there are adult only weddings, it makes sense that adults fill all the roles. An adult “Flower Guy” replaces the little flower girl. Instead of a little boy as the ring bearer, an adult who finds the rings and pillow taped to the underside of his/her chair is the random ring bearer.
2. Outdated rule: You must have a wedding party.
New reality: No, you don’t. The first wedding parties date back to Ancient Rome over 2,000 years ago when the bridal party was the 10 people required to witness a wedding for it to be legal.
Fast forward to Medieval Times when a young couple in love would elope to avoid a loveless, arranged marriage.
Why was a wedding party needed? They were there to defend the eloping bride and groom. The best man was actually the best swordsman the groom could afford to hire to protect the bride and groom in case a raiding party led by the bride’s father intervened to stop the wedding ceremony The groomsmen were an army of swordsmen whose goal was to delay anyone trying to kidnap the bride until the “I do’s” were done. The bridesmaids dressed like the bride so she could hide among them and hopefully not be found by intruders until the priest finished the wedding mass.
Since the majority of today’s couples aren’t worried about malcontents trying to kidnap the bride, a wedding party is no longer needed to defend her.
3. Outdated rule: The wedding party is all women on the bride’s side and all men on the groom’s side.
New reality: We’ve seen several “Men of Honor” and one “Best Woman.” Select your best friends, howevver they identify.
4. Outdated rule: All the bridesmaids have to wear identical dresses.
New reality: Brides may allow their bridesmaids to find a dress in a specific color which flatters that bridesmaid. For Sarah’s wedding, her four bridesmaids bought deep purple dresses in four different cities across two states and the dresses blended beautifully
5. Outdated rule: The groom walks alone down the aisle followed by the father of the bride walking her down the aisle.
New reality: The groom can be walked down the aisle by his parents. The bride might walk with her mother or might walk herself down the aisle.
6. Outdated rule: The bride’s father gives her away to the groom.
New reality: This rule dates back to Archbishop Thomas Cranmer in 1549 when the first Book of Common Prayer delineated the first script for a wedding ceremony in the Church of England. The reason the father was required to give the bride away was that this prevented the young couple from eloping.
7. Outdated rule: It’s bad luck to see your beloved before the ceremony.
New reality: To reduce stress before the wedding, there is often a sweet moment called “The First Look.” Photos of this are cherished portraits.
8. Outdated rule: The groom’s family sits on the right side and the bride’s on the left.
New reality: Ah, no! Any guest can sit where they like.
If you’d like to learn about outdated rules for the reception we no longer have to follow, read on! That post is coming up next!
Your friend in the wedding history business,
Kathy Bazan
The images above are courtesy of Pixabay.com.
The images below are courtesy of the Ainsworth House & Gardens Wedding Gallery.
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