Are you a bride-to-be looking for a line to add levity to your wedding vows? Then look no further than this list of funny one-liners which incorporate humorous takes on music, being a couple, science fiction, fantasy, sports, and more!
I am so looking forward to our upcoming destination wedding at Ainsworth House & Gardens! We will be getting married under your 200 year old Ponderosa Pine, a historic tree. Our canopy will be the blue Oregon skies.
Here’s my question: I am writing my vows to Tyler and I would love to put in one or two short, comedic lines to show my love for him and my sense of humor. Do you have any suggestions?
–Emily in Palo Alto, CA
We are so happy to be hosting you! We look forward to making your special day one that you cherish forever.
You asked a great question! Without further ado, here are a bunch of funny vows you can insert into your writing.
Being a Couple:
I can’t believe how lucky I am to be marrying my BFF.
This is a lot of pressure, huh? I better not blow this. I _____ take you, ___…What’s your name again?
I promise to be your co-pilot, your navigator, and to bring snacks on our road-trip through life.
I love you, truly, madly, deeply. And, I was thinking–maybe we should get married.
How about you love me! What do you think about forever? Maybe we should get married. What are you up to today and for the rest of your life?
I promise that as your wife, I will not keep score, even though I am totally winning.
I promise to share the covers, leave the light on, make sure the toilet paper is stocked, not use all the hot water, and do as many dishes as I can stomach, as long as we both shall live so help me God.
My only wish is to be the person you choose to sit next to in a room with all the people in history, ever.
You and I just work together – and I love how you always finish my…. …. sentences… it’s sentences.
I vow as your wife to always support your dreams, even the one about the whale in the living room.
It is at this moment as I gaze into your eyes I think… is it too late to elope?
I vow to wash if you dry, just so we can be together in the kitchen, laughing, all night – every night.
If you promise to kill the spiders, I’ll promise to make your lunch, if you take out the trash (and the dog at night), I will make the bed. And if you love me, I will love you.
I promise to love you, honor you, but not obey, because that’s a little creepy.
I can’t wait to take your last name – I am going to totally steal your identity.
I promise to continue to make your friends jealous of our amazing relationship.
Let’s be the only people to get each other’s jokes.
As the wise Salt-N-Pepa once sang, “What a man. What a man! What a mighty good man!”
I promise to be your brown eyed girl if you promise not to stop believing.
I promise to root for ______ even though I could genuinely care less who wins.
I promise to love you at all times – even during football season.
Science Fiction & Fantasy
“I have been and always shall be, your friend.”–Spock to Kirk
I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death do we part or you turn into a zombie. Because then we’re going to have to start seeing other people.
If you turn into a zombie or a vampire, I promise to let you bite me, so we can be undead together.
Literary, Movie, and TV:
Shakespeare said, “Get thee a good husband, and use him as he uses thee.” But then again, he also stuck with that haircut.
As Harry said to Sally, “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
I promise not to force you to watch a Gilmore Girls marathon.
You are the Luke to my Lorelei.
I promise that you will be as important to me as coffee, as chocolate, and as all the episodes of Grey’s put together.
I’m so happy I accepted your rose.
You are the one I want to binge watch Netflix with forever.
Being a Couple, Part 2:
Just one thing to tell you: I am totally worth it!
I promise to laugh at all your Monty Python references.
I can’t wait to sit in our pajamas together, every night!
I love you more than I love cardigan sweater season.
I promise to tell you what you can pull off clothes wise and be honest when it’s just not working.
I love you, pants or no pants.
I vow to somehow get to the end of this thing without ugly crying. I hope I can keep that one!
I vow to love you even when you’re old and still playing Xbox.
As one volcano said to the other, “I have a dream I hope will come true that you’ll grow old with me and I’ll grow old with you – I thank the earth, the sea, the sky. I thank you too because I lava you.”
We hope your guests erupt in laughter! 😉
Emily, I hope you find ones you like! If you have questions, reach out to me.
Your friend in the wedding business,
Images courtesy of Ainsworth House & Gardens, Pexels.com, and Pixabay.com.
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