Over time, certain laws–once deemed necessary for civilization–are no longer enforced. For instance, in Massachusettes, there was a law that you can’t eat peanuts in church while in Maryland, there was a law that you can’t swear while driving. Luckily, neither law is enforced anymore. The same holds true for weddings–etiquette rules once thought necessary in a civilized society are no longer enforced. Let’s look at rules you no longer have to follow when planning your wedding! (Makes your life easier, doesn’t it? :-))
Hey, Christie!
I’m engaged!
I was so excited until my mom handed me a wedding etiquette book and my grandmother gave me hers. I am overwhelmed! Do I HAVE to follow all these rules when planning my wedding?
–Octavia, Overwhelmed in Orchards, Washington
Hey, Octavia!
I understand. When I announced my engagement, my grandmother dusted off her Emily Post book on weddings and told me that this was the way to hold a proper wedding. The great news is that the world of weddings has changed. Let’s look at 10 outdated rules which aren’t followed any more because there are no rules. You are allowed to do what feels authentic for you and your partner.
1. Outdated rule: You must get married in a church, synagogue, or other house of worship.
New reality: You can get married anywhere—a botanical garden like Ainsworth House & Gardens or other location.
2. Outdated rule: A specific church or community of worship must ordain your wedding officiant.
New reality; So long as Oregon recognizes the officiant’s ordination—online or otherwise—the marriage is legal. For that reason, couples have asked someone close to them such as a mom, dad, or friend to get an Internet ordination and then conduct the wedding ceremony. One uncle did this for his beloved niece!
3. Outdated rule: Your wedding is only one day.
New realty: The further your guests have to travel, the longer is your wedding weekend to make it more worthwhile for your guests. Couples may plan a wedding roll out with events planned on Wednesday for guests coming the farthest and on Thursday for the second longest travelers. These events might be wine tasting or go kart racing or indoor golf.
4. Outdated rule: You must have a formal rehearsal dinner.
New reality: Since having a rehearsal dinner and a reception dinner is paying for two catering events, many couples are not having a rehearsal dinner and instead having an intimate dinner with family before the wedding.
5. Outdated rule: The bride’s parents pay all the wedding costs.
New reality: The engaged couple, the groom’s parents, and others can all contribute to the wedding costs. The bride’s parents might pay for specific items.
6. Outdated rule: You are required to print and mail your invitations.
New reality: E-mailed and digital invitations with RSVP links are acceptable.
7. Outdated rule: You can’t ask for cash as a gift.
New reality: While asking for cash in the past was considered tacky, that changed. In the past, the bride might move from her parents’ home to her married home so wedding gifts of appliances and dishes to set up her new home were welcomed. Now, many couples have been working in the careers and accumulated all the electric can openers they could ever want and would prefer cash to another can opener…even if it does have a knife sharpener on top. 😊
8. Outdated rule: Each guest needs to bring a Plus One.
New reality: According to the US Census Bureau,, over 46% of adults are single.
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9. Outdated rule: Your guests can’t wear black to your wedding.
New reality: Black tie and formal wear weddings are very on trend so black is allowed.
10. Outdated rule: You must invite children. New reality: In the invitation, state if there is an age restriction such as “No children under 12.” Many weddings are for adults only.
If you’d like to learn about more rules for your wedding ceremony and your reception that you don’t have to follow, keep reading! Those posts are coming up next!
Your friend in the wedding business,
Christie Shyne
The images above are courtesy of Pixabay.com.
The images below are courtesy of the Ainsworth House & Gardens Wedding Gallery.
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