Around the world, there are many customs which dictate how a young person would ask his beloved’s family for her hand in marriage. This tradition governs what the family did if they refused his request. Luckily, this custom is no longer followed and pumpkins are only used to celebrate Oct. 31. Read on to find out more!
Hey, Christie!
Umm…I don’t know what’s going on here and I need your help to figure it out.
Even though I’m not engaged yet, I have a feeling Tyler is going to propose soon. Yeah!
Since our Ukrainian family is very traditional, he will ask my parents for my hand in marriage.
How sweet!
OK, I jumped the gun and picked up brochures from caterers and wedding cake vendors which I left on the kitchen table for my parents to ease them into being prepared if Tyler asked for my hand in marriage. I didn’t want it to surprise them. Since then, my mother has dressed in traditional cotton clothing with beautiful colorful embroidery and the house is filling up with pumpkins. Why???
I think I heard her mutter disparagingly something about Tyler NOT being a good Ukrainian boy.
I’m scared. What is going on?
What do I do??????
—Kateryna, Confused in Kerry, Oregon
Hey, Kateryna!
First, text Tyler that you need to talk. Explain that due to family dynamics, now is NOT the time to talk to your parents about anything.
Second, I think I know what’s going on.
There is a Ukrainian folk tradition which dates back to medieval times: When the parents denied a young man’s request to marry their beloved daughter, they handed him a pumpkin.
Often, they didn’t say a word and just handed him this large orange squash to signal that they were squashing his hope of marrying the girl of his dreams.
In a small, rural town, everyone knew everyone else and so if a young man walked through town dejected and carrying a pumpkin, everyone knew what had happened.
To lessen possible embarrassment, he went to her parents’ home at night. Then, if he had to carry home a pumpkin, at least there were fewer people to see his unhappiness.
I think your parents are stockpiling pumpkins to give him the traditional Ukrainian denial. They may think he’s out of his gourd for thinking he is worthy to marry you and give him a gourd as their response. Oops….
If you don’t want them to squash his hope, then you might want to build a positive relationship between your parents and your beau. I hope that helps!
Your friend in the wedding business,
Christie Shyne
Images above are courtesy of Pixabay.com. Images below are from the Ainsworth House & Gardens wedding gallery.
© 2023-2024. Come Rain or Shyne, LLC. All rights reserved internationally.
